I have a suicide bed. I’ve been here three times. The top bunks are the safest, because if the other girls are attacking you they can’t get to you as fast. There’s not a lot of gang activity but I would be called gang affiliated. I’ve been in programs since I was 12. Nobody visits me. I’ve been here two weeks on this trip for parole violation, absconding. I fled an independent living program. I didn't steal, but somebody said I was stealing. I was skipping school, being rude, and had a bad attitude. My case manager was saying all these bad things about me but it wasn't true. I didn't like the ILP; I fled to go where my sponsor was and people I knew respected me. My mom couldn't call me because it’s long distance. When I was about 12 years old I started smoking weed. When I was 14 I picked up my first major. I assaulted four cops; they put their hands on me. No one’s going to take care of you. You have to take care of yourself. There was a lot of meth involved. I have two autistic little brothers, and a little cousin my mother takes care of because my aunt is a meth addict and couldn't take care of my cousin, and my uncle beat a guy with a hammer, so he’s doing time—mom’s a little busy. She doesn't work. My dad is an alcoholic. I haven’t seen him in a long time. I go to rehab, I work at it, and then something happens and I give up. I’ve been in foster homes that were pretty abusive. My mom doesn't have any time for me. I never missed school a lot. When I was in a program for homeless youth they wanted me to do a GED. I wanted to do a diploma, but they forgot to switch me on the roster. I don't mind this place…they don't bug me here. I’m a DSD1 girl. I’m gay. I don't think being gay is bad at all, but everyone has their own beliefs. Not a lot of gay girls here. Some are bi-sexual—of convenience—or gay for the stay. When I’m here I’m supposed to be 88% good. I usually get 98% ratings. I don't keep track of the time in here. There’s no point. Oh yeah, I was raped when I was 15. People cry here all the time in group and everyone is all supportive. Then they walk away and people talk shit about it. I want to be in the independent living program. Sometimes I help the other girls put on make up ‘cause it helps them like how they look and they feel better about themselves.
-I.T., age17